My Motherhood Life Chapter : Love yourself and Live Your Life
Barulah tersedar yang dah lama menjadi super committed motherly yang very attach to anak. Dan anak jadi super melekat bagaikan gam gajah melekap kat kaki dan seluruh anggota badan.
Super attached sampai nak jalan ke depan atau ke belakang, ke tepi dan ketengah pun kene seret. Nak buat apa pun tak jadi. Coz kedengaran panggilan "IBU...IBU..." kerap dilaungkan. Hahahaha. Rasa macam dihantui oleh panggilan itu.
Nak berak pun kadang kala tak sempat. Terutamanya bila sembelit datang dan nak berak memakan masa yang panjang tapi belum tentu lagi aman, damai dan berjaya.
Sampai sekarang ni rasa ada urat saraf dan wayar-wayar otak dan badan dah berselirat, sampai tak perasaan yang sebenarnya dah 5 tahun rupanya tidak bekerja!(meaning that I'm not committed to any institution/organisation LOL!) Memang otak boleh mereng (atau sudah mereng)
Just in the circle of Motherhood yang di self-employed by own two sons! Quite amazing kerna bisa memberikan waktu dan super fokus kepada anak-anak yang kadang-kala telah mengakibatkan kurang memikirkan perasaan sendiri dan masa untuk bersendiri.
Waktu itu berubah.
Dan
Masa itu tidak menunggu.
I knew my profession before that, and I knew that I wouldn't had much time for them. I really pray for this masa-masa / saat-saat / waktu-waktu emas. Demi masa, sesungguhnya, I just know I'll be fine.
Thank you.
Terima kasih atas segala rezeki, peluang dan masa yang Allah berikan untuk saya menjaga anak dan meng-brain storm kan minda bagi merencanakan pelbagai aktiviti untuk mereka.
Whoever know me, I always that person yang--- NEVER like to stay at home or never LIKE to be at home. When I was young, single, wild and free. At least, each day passed by I must step outside. Out from the house. I always committed myself that I must step outside and meet people. WORKING or WALKING or EXPLORING or OBSERVING or At least I must go for dating lah. LOL! LOL! LOL!
Ya udah, yang utamanya kini sudah berstatus bini orang. Dan mempunyai dua orang anak lelaki.
Thank you.
Terima kasih atas segala rezeki, peluang dan masa yang Allah berikan untuk saya menjaga anak dan meng-brain storm kan minda bagi merencanakan pelbagai aktiviti untuk mereka.
Whoever know me, I always that person yang--- NEVER like to stay at home or never LIKE to be at home. When I was young, single, wild and free. At least, each day passed by I must step outside. Out from the house. I always committed myself that I must step outside and meet people. WORKING or WALKING or EXPLORING or OBSERVING or At least I must go for dating lah. LOL! LOL! LOL!
Ya udah, yang utamanya kini sudah berstatus bini orang. Dan mempunyai dua orang anak lelaki.
Suami selalu berikan 200 persen sokongan untuk saya dan selalu berusaha untuk memenuhi apapun keinginan di hati dan saling mencukupkan kekurangan sehari-harian.
The main reason to be a housewife or stay at home mother is actually I just couldn't think of anyone else to take care of my own sons rather than only me and myself.
or maybe I don't easily believe in anyone else
or trust other people better than me.
or maybe I'm so used not to rely on people so much.
I rely on me.
I rely on myself.
I count on me.
I trust me.
I don't know about you. But my late mother take good care of me and she only stayed with me until I was 4 years 4 months old.
That was very short period of time--I know.
But that was God planned.
And I always remember her that way.
The only thing I know that I will be forever stuck on missed her and admired her.
Ternyata ia memberi kesan paling mendalam dalam hati, perasaan dan pembesaran.
Patah sayap sebelahku.
SO how did I take care of myself after mum died?
Only Allah knows how and WHY.
I even couldn't resist my feeling every time my son, Ariq (he now at my aged when I lost my mom) called upon me...
"IBU...IBU...", my eldest son Ariq called me whenever he need me.
As I recalled myself when I was his aged.
I always used to called my mom like that too.
I hold my own feelings. No one wants to even bother your sorrow.
"Emak..emak".. but later she didn't reply me back.
AND,
She still didn't reply me NOW or whenever I need her.
Would it be nicer and super logic that every kids need their own mother when they GROW UP right ?
SO when I shouted for my mom.
I called upon my mom.
But she refused to come.
She didn't even bother to come for me.
And she never come after all.
She didnt hugged me anymore.
She didnt kissed me anymore
She didnt clapped her hand for me anymore
She didnt say goodnight and sleep with me anymore
She didnt take care of me anymore.
Because she no longer at my side.
She no longer breathe.
She no longer exist.
She died.
SO can you imagine how I feel ?
What do you think I suppose to feel when I was 4 ?
Or how should I feel when I was 4?
And can you imagine my life after that ?
Some people may judge ME-- the way I live my life and how I live my life now.
Life was tough and rough every single day and every time, I must say.
Tapi masa / moment yang singkat that I had with my late mom itulah yang sentiasa tetap dalam ingatan yang sering dibawa-dibawa kemana-mana saja, serta yang menjadi sumber kekuatan paling azali setiap hari dan setiap masa--dan, sehingga hari ini dan pada saat ini jua.
I just couldn't think any other greatest way of wasting my lifetime (menghabiskan sisa baki kehidupanku) for anything else. I just knew NOW, I rather be fully functional mother who always available for my sons.
Sound crazy nuts- couldn't believe myself too.
The main reason to be a housewife or stay at home mother is actually I just couldn't think of anyone else to take care of my own sons rather than only me and myself.
or maybe I don't easily believe in anyone else
or trust other people better than me.
or maybe I'm so used not to rely on people so much.
I rely on me.
I rely on myself.
I count on me.
I trust me.
I don't know about you. But my late mother take good care of me and she only stayed with me until I was 4 years 4 months old.
That was very short period of time--I know.
But that was God planned.
And I always remember her that way.
The only thing I know that I will be forever stuck on missed her and admired her.
Ternyata ia memberi kesan paling mendalam dalam hati, perasaan dan pembesaran.
Patah sayap sebelahku.
SO how did I take care of myself after mum died?
Only Allah knows how and WHY.
I even couldn't resist my feeling every time my son, Ariq (he now at my aged when I lost my mom) called upon me...
"IBU...IBU...", my eldest son Ariq called me whenever he need me.
As I recalled myself when I was his aged.
I always used to called my mom like that too.
I hold my own feelings. No one wants to even bother your sorrow.
"Emak..emak".. but later she didn't reply me back.
AND,
She still didn't reply me NOW or whenever I need her.
Would it be nicer and super logic that every kids need their own mother when they GROW UP right ?
SO when I shouted for my mom.
I called upon my mom.
But she refused to come.
She didn't even bother to come for me.
And she never come after all.
She didnt hugged me anymore.
She didnt kissed me anymore
She didnt clapped her hand for me anymore
She didnt say goodnight and sleep with me anymore
She didnt take care of me anymore.
Because she no longer at my side.
She no longer breathe.
She no longer exist.
She died.
SO can you imagine how I feel ?
What do you think I suppose to feel when I was 4 ?
Or how should I feel when I was 4?
And can you imagine my life after that ?
Some people may judge ME-- the way I live my life and how I live my life now.
Life was tough and rough every single day and every time, I must say.
Tapi masa / moment yang singkat that I had with my late mom itulah yang sentiasa tetap dalam ingatan yang sering dibawa-dibawa kemana-mana saja, serta yang menjadi sumber kekuatan paling azali setiap hari dan setiap masa--dan, sehingga hari ini dan pada saat ini jua.
I just couldn't think any other greatest way of wasting my lifetime (menghabiskan sisa baki kehidupanku) for anything else. I just knew NOW, I rather be fully functional mother who always available for my sons.
Sound crazy nuts- couldn't believe myself too.
I thanked all the people who always be there for me, support me through tough and rough. And love me the way I am.
And never judge me the way I live and the way I am.
Bagiku menjaga anak itu juga satu ibadah.
Apatah lagi ia kerja yang ternyata sungguh-sungguh amat berat.
Tanggungjawab yang paling berat
Yang kadang kala dipandang enteng
Atau sering diremehkan.
Tapi apa pun jua,
Let's us don't judge.
Please don't judge.
Dont be the judges.
Marilah kita jangan menilai orang dari apa pun pilihan mereka mengikut sesedap rasa dan hati kita, atau dari pandangan mata kasar dan minda kita yang sempit terhimpit lagi tersepit.
We never know what will happens to us and our family in the future.
How did they survived? Who should they count on or to seek advice.
I lost my mom since I was a little girl.
I'm an orphans.
I used to take care me all by myself.
Me and my sisters, we shared and juggled almost the same situations and share almost similar experienced too.
You never know how its feel until you lost one, or both of your wings gone.
We lost our wings.
But
We survived, anyway.
Perhaps, the way we treat our sons are most likely the same way like our late mother treat us too.
We inherited
Her gestures, her loved, her kind and her cared.
And We survived.
And THIS IS ME
I LOVE BEING A MOTHERI'M A DEVOTED MOTHER
And that's just me of being ME.
What ever your choices are--
IN YOUR LIFE
Let me tell you this,
JUST
Be yourself.
Love yourself.
AND
Be the original
YOU.
Be yourself and love yourself!
be ALIVE
stay ALIVE
JUST
LIVE YOUR LIFE!
JUST
LOVE YOUR LIFE!
ITS never to LATE to achieve and pursue
anything you want in your LIFE
JUST
Push yourself to the limits!
BE THE EXTREMELY GORGEOUS YOU!
AND LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT!
NEVER STOP
CHASING YOUR DREAMS
LOVE DALA,
XOXO
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